Vampires Again

There are more and more Vampires roaming around. I really don't understand the attraction. The things kill us or screw us and then go off somewhere and hide. It's really strange the attraction.
I do like the fact that Vampires are always Royalty or Aristocracy. If anything describes the relationship between the Manor born (Plantation Class around here) and the rest of us, it's Vampire/Prey. Look at Prince Charles and the little Princelings. They have little affairs with models and Army Platoons but then they grow weary of contact with the commoners and run back into their Castles and look down on us.
It's the same way here. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie can have a show about life with the simple people who don't have money. Then when the show losses some ratings they can run back to whatever place they feel best and hide out until someone gets a better scheme that allows people with no talent other than being born into the right family can get more of our money.
The New Moon Twilight whatever teeny bopper movie has Werewolves that fight the Vampires. I like this. I hope the Werewolves kill them off and then head over to True Blood and rid us of that piece of crap too.
Werewolves are a good proletariat animal. Some guy is walking out on the moors one night and gets infected by a big dog bite. He's not part of some upper class, he's just some guy who worked late or his car broke down and now he can't help himself when the moon is full.

Angry Blog

I'm not really angry, just a little fussy today. I'm tired of crap.
Like who decided to make John Lennon music into ads for shit we don't need.
We still don't have an effective Tsunami early warning system for most of the world
but we have phones we can watch television and buy the shit they are using John
to advertise.
The people who wrecked the economy are giving themselves bonuses for talking us into
bailing them out. Then the same people tell us that a public health care system is Socialist
and will ruin the economy.
We are destroying Blue fin Tuna for Sushi, Black Rhino's for boners, Manatee's for boat rides
and all of the flowing water for green grass.
We have cancer of most body parts, diabetes, canine distemper and HIV and in return they
give us Viagra, Cialysis and sleeping pills that make us eat every thing in the house and drive
around town in a black out.
It takes 2 minutes to order a pizza online, but 15 to get to a human representative at Fed Ex.
Customer Service is a fossilized concept in the sub-basement of the Smithsonian.
But like I've said many times. Screw it.

Luck

I am a firm believer in Luck and I've never had much. When I was a kid my Aunt in Ohio sent us boxes of buckeyes. I gave to all my friends and we carried them everywhere. For Luck. As I grew older I found more things that are lucky. Rabbit Foot, buttons, pennies you find laying on heads are lucky if you put them in your shoe. If you find a penny on tails, you can change your luck by turning it over and leaving it for the next person. Four leaf clovers are not lucky. After I asked my Ex Wife to marry me she refused to answer until she found a 4 leaf clover. When you spill salt you have to throw a pinch over your left shoulder to ward off bad luck.
Break a mirror and you are screwed for the next seven years. Now there are lots of things that produce bad luck. Bringing banana's on a small boat is death. You will not catch fish, dive well and probably never make it back to dry land. How banana's get around the world, I don't know, but it's not by small boat. Black Cats can't cross your path or you have to wait for it to cross back, or you turn around. Whistling when passing a graveyard is bad. Blowing out a candle insults fire and is bad luck.
My Great Grandmother was from Ireland and was a very influential adult in my childhood. We were separated by 80 or so years, but relegated to the useless section of the family together. She was too old to do much and I was too little. She is why I know that if a person sneezes three times without a God Bless you, the little people can legally take them and keep them for years. But you don't talk much about the little people after dark, or they will take you and keep you for years.
Now after three decades of on again off again work, I've narrowed my Lucky things down to a fossilized whale inner ear bone I found diving off Venice beach Florida and a new tattoo. When I turned 21, I got a tattoo and was happy with that until I hit 40 and got another.
Then I found out that an even number of tattoos are unlucky. Now I've had a big run of bad luck this last year, so I decided that made sense.
So tonight I have a Bull Shark on my forearm and an extra lottery ticket.

Frankenstein

So, I'm having this pain in my side that turns out to be gall bladder, liver, gastrointestinal related.
The Doctor says that we can always remove the Gall bladder if it gets worse and by the way it may explode. The surgery isn't as complicated as an appendectomy. So I am wondering. Why do we have all these extra parts? These extra parts that can go bad an d kill us?
If you've never had a gall bladder flare up, it will make curl up in a ball and doubt the existence of God and the rationality of Natural Selection.
Not in the usual, "Why do men have nipples?" funny fooling around questioning that all those '80's comics loved to dwell on. This is a breach birth in during the hiking trip kind of doubt.
If there is a God, why would he lay these traps?
If Natural selection is at work, why hasn't this crap been bred out of us?
The Nurse I talked with said it was the American Diet that is killing us all off. But if you think about it, we've always had the American Diet. Remember the Mammoth feasts? Did Og eat too much of the fatty trunk meat and collapse in a sweaty heap cursing the Lake God for all he was worth? I know Og did not go out and find a nice big salad.
So, I think it was some Alien Frankenstein who has done this to us. Some Sadistic, big eyed Grey Bastard with a scalpel and a twisted sense of humor.
It also explains the seem down there.

Why do our bodies hate us?

When I was 21, I could take anything. One time I was working on a bridge crew and really screwed up. I held onto a guide rope too long and was launched over the river and slammed into a piling. I let go of the rope and landed in the river and swam to shore. I jogged back to the bridge and finished the day. I have thousands of these stories.
Last week I started to feel a pain in my side. I shrugged and ignored it. By Thursday I was walking around pressing my hand against my ribs and wincing. So Friday I went to my Doctor. Did you know that your gall bladder can become inflamed? I did not.
I also did not know that the test for this was an ultrasound. And did you know that Ultrasound guys have no sense of humor? When I asked "How's it look Doc?" the Tech explained he was not a Doctor and was just taking pictures for the Doctor.
"So I guess you can't tell m if it's a girl or a boy huh?"
"No sir I could not."

Rain, rain, go away.

The great state of Georgia has a split personality.
We have ten year droughts followed by intense rain in the fall. It's been raining for a week now. The dog and I both have mouldy spots. Laundry takes forever to dry and towels never really do.
Last night we had something new. In four hours my little town got 10.35 inches of rain. The cross ties I put in the yard to prevent the lawn from washing away, floated away.
These cross ties were taken from the train tracks last year when they replaced them and weighed about 100 tons each. Now they are about twenty feet from where I put them.

Memories, a play in one act.

Open on smokey interior.
Panic--"Dude, can you see me?"
Dude--"Maybe you should let me drive."
Panic--"No, I'm cool, I just don't feel visible right now. You know?"
Dude--"Panic, Dude, relax. It's just good shit. Now pull over and let me drive."
Man, enters from next room. "Pizza will be here in 20 minutes. They don't have doughnuts."
Dude--"Dude, I thought we were in the car going for doughnuts."
Panic--"Oh shit, am I driving. I can't fucking drive man, I'm to baked."
Man--"Man, you two light weights can't handle your weed. Ha,ha."
Dude, Man and Panic sit on the couch watching television.
Panic--"Where's the bong? What if the Pizza guy is a narc? I can't go to jail. Oh shit."
Man--"We ordered pizza?"
Dude--"I want some doughnuts."